The present moment:
What is photography? For me, I think it is a reflection of what I see through my soul... if my soul had eyes.
The words below I wrote a couple of days ago, and now 2 days later the feeling inside is different. More confident. Happy. I sat so nervously waiting to hand my photographs over to Christina Force for her opinion on my photography portfolio. But the outcome was beyond 'hope'. I struggle so much with my lowly self-confidence. Find it so hard to take on board praise without thinking people are just being kind. It's something deep inside that I've come to live with but it can be so debilitating at times. But as Christina looked through my photographs, I got that cliched feeling that time slowed down. She said that my photographs were 'beautiful'. She said that she loved them and could put them on her kitchen wall. I had been so afraid of the opposite reaction that when those comments met my insecurities it really did feel like a dream - an answer to all those moments when I wonder who I am and what I am doing. Like the reassuring feeling of letting out a long held breath.
The fog is starting to clear - hurrah! That's what it feels like at least. The past few months have been incredibly hectic but i'm finally starting to feel that my scattered brain is slowing... Tonight I'll be showing my work to one of the founders of a prominent photography agency here in New Zealand - the final test on the final night of my scholarship at Kingsize studios. My photographs are all printed and ready to go, so now i'm just waiting nervously for some feedback...
And a flashback which we never ended up posting:
This vegan 'cream cheese' ice cream was originally intended for some carrot cake cup cakes I was intent on making. The process takes a little bit of time, because first you have to soak (“activate”) the cashews, blend them with probiotics and allow them to ferment overnight which allows the “cream cheese” flavors to develop. Unfortunately yesterday in the midst of a photography catastrophe, I needed a pick-me up (as can happen), in order to ease my frustration. So the cream cheese icing (which was waiting patiently in the freezer for its cup cake compadraes), instead turned into this bowl of ice-cream. And it was divine… just what was needed. This change in direction also resulted in the best photos we have taken (we are just learning you see!). Just another reminder that sometimes when you intend on things happening in a certain way a twist of events can change the direction of our paths. And while this may result in something completely different, it may be even better!
Note: This recipe is from last summer in New Zealand, just after we bought our camera. Fredrik and I were so happy with these photographs as they were the first ones that actually looked good in the back of the camera! (There were a lot of fails back then!). The base of the recipe we made was fermented cashew nuts. In order to simply the recipe however, we've removed this process and added nutritional yeast as a substititute. Nutritional yeast is often used in raw cuisine to make tree-nut cheeses and in other recipes to add a cheesey flavour. It is a source of B12, an important vitamin the levels of which can be hard to maintain on a vegan diet. So in short - get your daily dose of B12 (or a part of it!), by eating this ice-cream. Yum!
lemon & cream cheese vegan ice cream
- 1 cup of cashew nuts soaked for 2 hours
- 1/2 cup of coconut meat
- 1/2 cup of agave syrup
- 1 1/4 cups of almond milk
- 2 Tbsp of meyer lemon juice and zest of 1/2 to 1 meyer lemon (adjust according to taste)*
- 1 Tbsp nutritional yeast
- 1 Tbsp vanilla extract
- 1/4 tsp sea salt or himalaya mountain salt
- 1/4 cup of coconut oil melted
* can be substituted for normal lemon
- Melt coconut oil over a water bath.
- Blend all ingredients except for the coconut oil and lemon zest, until smooth in a high speed blender.
- While blender is running on low speed, slowly pour in the coconut oil.
- Fold in lemon zest and place in freezer.
- During the freezing process, stir the mixture a few times which will improve the consistency.
- Prior to serving remove the ice-cream from the freezer and leave to soften for 10 minutes or more. Raw ice-creams become really hard so another good idea once softened, is to pop the mixture back into the blender and blend until you reach a smooth ice-cream texture.
With blueberries and additional lemon zest. Enjoy!